Is Crying in Therapy Normal?
Is crying in therapy normal? How about downright sobbing in therapy?
Yes! Crying in therapy is normal. Sobbing in therapy is normal, too. It’s part of the process. And - NO! - your therapist is not judging you, I promise!
I’m Alyse and I’ve been a mental health therapist in New York for a bajillion years, so I know how it goes.
I’ve been doing this work for a long time — both as a coach for folks worldwide and as a therapist for clients in New York — and I can tell you definitively that crying in therapy is normal. Here’s why.
I have worked with many criers over the years. Some would grab the box of tissues on their way into the office to keep it nearby in anticipation of all the crying they knew they’d be doing. Others have never shed so much as a tear. And you know what…they are both fabulous.
You do not need to feel embarrassed for sobbing in therapy.
What I have always found so interesting is that sooooooo many people who cry in session apologize for their tears or have some level of embarrassment about crying. Some have said they felt bad for me having to see them cry.
Here’s the thing…therapists love it when you cry. Not because we want to see you in pain, but because tears represent hurt and sadness and ickiness that you have been carrying around with you. When you cry, you get to release that shit and the more you leave in my office, the less you are carrying around with you. So, crying in therapy is normal, AND it’s super helpful!
Sobbing in therapy might actually be part of what you need to heal.
You may have grown up in an environment where tears or emotion were not welcome, or were even forbidden. You may associate crying with weakness or fear. But it is entirely possible to make room for seeing tears as something else…as a vital part of moving forward and letting go of some of that pain. And in time, hopefully developing a new relationship with your tears.
If you are already pretty comfortable with crying, know that we welcome tears in all forms. Whether you are the dabber-with each tear you dab your eye gently so the tears don’t fall and you won’t ruin your mascara. Or if you are the let-it-all-hang-out, straight-up sobbing in therapy messy crier-you use loads of tissues, you’re snotty and hyperventilate a little and the front of your shirt gets wet-or if you fall somewhere in between. Crying in therapy is normal; it is beautiful; and, it is welcome.
I have cried right alongside clients and I make no apologies for that. I also always offer clients a tissue if they are crying, which, if you can believe it, is a huge topic of debate among therapists and people have very strong feelings about it. I will save that for another day.
Know that even if you have a wonky relationship with your emotional expression or your tears, crying in therapy is normal, and so is sobbing in therapy.
Now for your assignment. Listen to this song from one of the greatest albums of all time, Free to Be…You and Me.
https://open.spotify.com/track/6vAyytSXNzIKjBv8gidZCx?si=417dcf525c8f4ae0
Actually, please listen to the whole album, because it is the soundtrack of my childhood and utterly fantastic.
We can actually work together!
If you are someone who is working on their mental health (aka one of the good ones!), I invite you to join my newsletter right away so you are the first to know each time I release a blog, have a new coaching or therapy offering, or do something else super exciting!
Once you’re on the newsletter, I encourage you to check out my socials too. I bet they’ll brighten your day :).
And, finally, if you feel like you might like to work together, I’d love to talk to you. If you’re in New York and looking for therapy - you’re in luck! I’m a mental health therapist in New York, and you can reach out here.
If you’re looking for coaching (regardless of where you’re located), send me an email at alyse@coachingwithalyse.com.
Wishing you all the best on your healing journey!
You and me are Free to Be, You and Me.
Xo
Alyse
